Misc. Mental Musings

Adopt a New Approach

S. G. Lacey

Anecdote:

Julie was coming off an emotional divorce from her high school sweetheart, as their relationship soured over a decade together. Jack, after living with his parents during most of his 20’s, had just completed trade school.

Fortuitously, fate intervened. Connected through a dating app, during their first in-person meeting at a local bar in the Milwaukee, Jack and Julie found out they were soul mates. 3 baseball games, 2 awkward family introductions, 1 drag-out fight, and countless shared bratwursts later, the pair was engaged.

A pleasant and affordable marriage, with nearly all ancestral and acquaintance participants hailing from the Midwest region, quickly followed.

Having gotten a late start in terms of household formation, now in their early 30’s, a passionate, productive honeymoon yielded a beautiful baby girl the prerequisite 9 months later.

Jack’s career as an HVAC technician progressed nicely; he continued to increase his hourly wage, and was even able to take on occasional overtime jobs. Julie stayed home to take care of the newborn, while leverage her teaching skills to provide online tutoring from home during limited down time.

Unfortunately, evening activities were less productive, notwithstanding the couple’s diligent work ethic. Despite forgoing all birth control, and even using a calendar to track menstrual cycles, they struck out for the entire subsequent year.

Realizing the efficiency offered by closely spacing children, to allow sharing of clothes, food prep, friends, toys, and day care, the procreation pressure ramped up. With the cost of assisted contraception treatments being essentially prohibitive, only partially covered by Jack’s union insurance package, and not guaranteed to be successful, the couple investigated other methods for growing their family.

An obvious option revealed itself through some basic internet research. Adoption. There were a few thousand children in the Greater Milwaukee foster care system, with several unwanted babies being born daily at the local hospitals. At least according to online information. Problem solved.

Incredibly, despite having stable financial resources, glowing parenting references, sufficient space in a loving home, plus with no health or legal issues, the waiting time for adoption was quoted as 18 months minimum, with no assurances in terms of age, sex, timing, or even overall feasibility.

As it turns out, this is not specifically a Milwaukee, or even Midwest, problem. The adoption struggles of Jack and Julie are emblematic of countless young American adults looking to find a child to join their hopefully expanding family circle. [REF & REF]

About:

Adoption, a seemingly simple concept, is decidedly multifaceted, not just in definition, but also in execution.

A good starting point is to look at the reasons for adopting, which are numerous. This strategy is understandably utilized by individuals and couples struggling to give birth through natural means. But there are many other scenarios where adoption comes into play.

Concern about pregnancy risks, including the potential to pass on an unwanted genetic disease. The desire to be a single parent, potentially combined with an interest in mentoring a young kid, as opposed to the complexities of starting from scratch with a baby. There’s even a large segment of aspiring adopters who feel the best approach is simply to support one of the many neglected children who already exist in this world. A truly noble endeavor.

In America, there are 3 distinct types of adoption: domestic, international, and foster care. Each method is typically related with a specific age cohort, from newborn, in the case of domestic, to adolescent, in the case of foster care, with international opportunities typically falling somewhere in the middle.

While most people think of adoption as a young woman who gets pregnant out of wedlock, so gives her child up anonymously to a willing couple with fertility issues, this stereotypical scenario is actually quite rare.

In reality, most adoptions involve families who already have children, with genealogy or friendship connections common between the adoptee and their new arrangement. The average adoption path is actually an elementary school student being permanently taken in by their current foster parents after a trial period in the home.

Another key distinction is that between open and closed adoption. In the former scenario, which is becoming increasingly prevalent, the adopted entity maintains a connection with their birth mother. While this situation can add complexity, it relieves some of the emotional stress felt by all parties involved. Also, in the current era of online data and genetic testing, a truly closed adoption lasting into adulthood is increasingly difficult to pull off.

The conditions surrounding each adoption case are unique, encompassing a variety of dynamic factors, as any decision should be which involves the future of a human life. [REF & REF]

Aggregated Analytics:

The best way to get the lay of the land regarding adoption, and cut through the noise, is to review some cold hard facts about this process.

While only 2% of American households have actually adopted a child, more than 1/3rd of couples have considered it. There are about 1.5 million total adopted kids in the United States, or 1 out of 50 children.
6 in 10 Americans have had personal experience with adoption, meaning that they themselves, a family member, or a close friend was adopted, had adopted a child, or had placed a child up for adoption. Overall, around 7 million American citizens are considered adopted in some form.
About 140,000 individuals are adopted in the United States each year. Of non-stepparent adoptions, about 59% are from the foster care system, 26% are from other countries, and 15% are voluntarily relinquished American babies.
Domestic infant adoption comprises only 0.5% of all live births in the United States, and only 1.1% of births to single parents. For this private adoption segment, 62% of babies are placed with their receiving families within a month of being born.
There are over 400,000 children in foster care in the America currently. Among these, males outnumber females, African American children are disproportionately represented, and over half are 6 years old or older.
For those successfully transferring out of foster care, 52% are adopted by their foster parents, and 36% by a relative, with the balance finding other opportunities. 26% of the adopted individuals are at least 9 years old. The average foster child awaits an adoptive family for more than 3 years, and 11% spend 5 years or more in the system. [REF & REF]

Audible:

Having a healthy, natural birth, child is a dream for most couples. Maybe even producing several little ones in quick succession so they can entertain each other, and keep the generational legacy going. Unfortunately, this aspirational goal is increasingly becoming out of reach for many.

Numerous studies have shown that fertility in women, especially in developed countries, is on the decline. Much of this trend can be contributed to increased sexual education, and subsequent access to contraception, leading to a measurable drop in teenage pregnancies. Which is great from a societal structure standpoint, but a shift will certainly reduce the number of future babies in the adoption pool.

On the other side of the ledger, as females become more active in the workforce, pursuing higher education, and taking full-time corporate jobs, their timeline for family formation understandably gets pushed out. The medical field has known for decades that pregnancies later in life come with increased health risks. Which can potentially be mitigated via the adoption route.

Combine these two observations, and United States demographic trends start looking pretty bleak. Fortunately, huge strides have been made with regards to promoting pregnancy for struggling couples, and ambitious individuals.

Intrauterine insemination has existed for decades, but improvements in placement and timing of sperm in the uterus make this a fairly successful, reasonable cost, option for many aspiring families.

In vitro fertilization, which involves linking the sperm and egg in a lab setting, then implanting this fertilized embryo back into the uterus, has become quite popular recently. This expensive process is not guaranteed to be successful despite the high cost, while the associated hormone shots and multiple eggs increase the chance for twins.

Surrogacy is another option, similar in concept to domestic infant adoption, but even more challenging from an emotional standpoint for both the carrying and anticipatory mothers.

For reference, challenges becoming pregnant are not isolated to a small segment of Americans, as 12% of couples surveyed in recent years cite dealing with infertility issues.

Typically, advances in technology bring the costs of most consumer products down, while offering drastically more functionality. Just think of the TV, cellphone, and computer you had 10 years ago. Counterintuitively, this is not the case in the highly advanced healthcare field, where the landscape is fraught with patent battles, creating pseudo-monopolies in both products and services.

Considering the exorbitant cost of most fertility treatments, it’s no wonder that many families look towards adoption as an alternative. With marriage matches, first home purchasing, and subsequent family creation, all occurring later in life for the Millennial generation, the demand for adoptees in all forms is likely to keep increasing over the coming years. [REF & REF]

Accounting:

There’s no doubt that bringing a child into the world is expensive. Any parent knows that even the best budgeting plan goes out the window immediately once the baby arrives at home, and sometimes even in the preparatory phase before the birth. Colorful paint, safe furniture, and myriad toys are key elements of the modern nursery.

Creating a baby is a different discussion. Even the most menial insurance policies in the United States cover the basic needs for a safe hospital birth, as this process is a critical activity for continued existence of the human race.

Still, the parade of medical visits for routine check-ups, regimented inoculation shots, and stressful nighttime emergencies, can quickly burn through the deductible even with robust coverage, and even eat into household savings. Plus, there’s the supplemental health care technology: breast feeding apparatus, white noise speakers, nasal cleaning devices. While not explicitly mandatory for success, such items are critical if you, and your newborn, want to get any rest.

Raising this glorious gift brings another pile of unforeseen expenses. Providing sufficient nourishment for the rapidly changing entity. Procuring appropriate clothing, with fits for an incredibly short period, due to the impressive growth from all this sustenance intake. Safe means of transport; car seats, folding strollers, and strider bikes rotating through in various forms and functionality, based on the size and skills of the evolving child.

Later on in life, there’s the obligatory adolescent support, ranging from summer camps, to school supplies, to sports leagues, to college tuition. Along with a steadily increasing food bill. In modern years, such aid has become extended to the offspring’s transition into adulthood, which hopefully involves leaving the nest at some point before they turn 30.

It’s pretty clear raising a kid takes a village, and a boatload of money. Along with the unwavering mental commitment to be an emotionally supportive parent. While not quantifiable in monetary terms, there’s no debating passionate pledge which proud parents take on.

Despite the numerous unwanted babies born daily, and the multitude of children in the foster care system throughout America, there’s still a disconnect between supply and demand. Below are a few stats related to the cost and timeline for the various common toddler procurement options.

Domestic Infant Adoption: (1-year success of 65% & 2-year success of 80%) = $40k.
International Adoption: (older children offer higher success nearing 90%) = $20k - $50k plus travel.
Foster Care: (60% of foster adoptions occur within first year) = Usually less than $5k.

For each of these schemes, these all manner of waivers, attestations, and other legal documents are required. As a result, many outfits, both private and non-for-profit, have sprung up online to help guide aspiring adopters though this paperwork minefield. Such professional support is yet another expense to consider before initiating the adoption process.

Fortunate, there’s slowly becoming new ways to fund this investment in the next generation of society. The Federal Adoption Tax Credit of up to $15k is key to helping families fund their costly adoption process. There’s also a wide range of public and private grants available online for qualifying applicants. Additionally, an increasing number of companies are offering reimbursement for adoption expenses as part of their generous employee benefits packages. [REF & REF]

America & Abroad:

U.S. domestic infant adoptions often requires the aspiring family to take care of the expectant mother in the form of temporary housing, health care subsidies, and additional support needs. Also, these days, significant protection is afforded to the birth mother, including the right to stay in contact with the donated child, and even reclaim legal guardianship later in life.

All these factors conspire to create confusing relationships and interactions as the adoptee matures and starts asking questions, especially in this age of nearly infinite information on the internet.

American adoption legislation is implemented on a state-by-state basis, as opposed to leveraging consistent and aligned national policies. The following graph provides a long-term breakdown of United States adoption types dating back to before World War II.

The impressive ramp up in adoptions on the left side of the chart can be attributed to changes in societal norms over this important period in American history, notably the post-WWII baby boom, which resulted in substantial household formation. Also factoring in is the expansion of women’s rights and subsequent sexual revolution movement of the 1960’s, which allowed traditional norms pegging the female in a relationship as the de facto homemaker to be reshaped.

While the total number of annual adoptions has held fairly steady since the mid 1970’s, the source of available children has varied significantly over the past half century. Most significant are public policies surrounding expansion of funding to the foster care system in the 1990’s, which paralleled the rise of the world wide web as a marketing tool, resulting in enhanced public awareness regarding the plight of adolescents stuck in this broken program. Unfortunately, adoptions out of foster care seem to have stagnated since the turn of the millennium.

Though international adoption can provide a cleaner separation from the birth mother than a domestic agreement, there are a multitude of other challenges with acquiring a baby from overseas. International rules can be even more stringent than domestic protocols with regards to screening requirements for individuals looking to adopt. Also, picking up a child from abroad requires staying in the country for several weeks, and again involves lots of burdensome paperwork.

While the international adoption volumes previously shown in green on the overall adoption plot are relatively small, it’s still valuable to break this component down in more detail.

The complicated eye chart above shows the multi-decade trends in American adoption by country of origin for the newcomer. It’s interesting how this activity mimics broader global geopolitical, financial, legal, and logistical trends over time.

A significant influx of Chinese adoptees, as a result of availability due this country’s commitment to the one child policy, which was in place throughout the 1990’s. A noticeable decline in overall adoption rates after the Global Financial Crisis in 2009. A dramatic drop in acquired Russian children, due to devolving political relationships between former Cold War combatants. A recent rise in African adoption, as modern social media highlights the difficult living conditions for kids in this region of the world.

While these individual country activities are enlightening, looking at the holistic influx of foreign adoptions is even more telling. Peaking at over 20k global children in 2005, this tally has now fallen by more than 75%, down to just 5k new family additions as shown below.

This precipitous drop can be primarily attributed to U.S. immigration policy, enacted in 2005 and 2011, combined with more stringent export laws in many countries worldwide, which has continually made overseas adoption more difficult during the past 15 years. Another interesting finding is that for the first time in a while, boys have surpassed girls for adoption, likely due to the reduction of available females coming from China and Russia.

It’s important to note that 40% of adopted children are of a different race, culture, or ethnicity than both of their adoptive parents. In true American dream fashion, this avenue represents an opportunity to continue expanding the diversity of this great nation. [REF & REF]

Abortion:

No comprehensive story about United States population growth and political grift would be complete without some commentary on abortion policy. Especially in light of recent Supreme Court judicial activities.

Before those on both side of the increasingly widening isle stop reading, it’s at least worth trying to have a rational discussion. In fact, adoption offers up the potential to bring more babies to term, then into the hands of those excited about parenting. Maybe.

Let’s start with the raw data. While there’s no compiled national statistics on how many people are currently waiting to adopt, experts estimate this tally is somewhere between one and two million applicants, most of which are couples. Meanwhile, every year there are roughly 1.3 million abortions in the United States, again a number which is difficult to precisely pinpoint. But the order of magnitude is clearly aligned.

Still, it’s important to note that basic math doesn’t address real world complexities. There’s obviously a huge difference between taking a morning after abortion pill, and committing the 9 months to bring a child into the world. The latter involves a huge physical and emotional toll; a deep biological connection that’s not easy to part with.

A key point of differentiation is that women typically have abortions to avoid the stresses and risks of pregnancy, while those choosing adoption hope to allay the commitments and costs of downstream parenting. This distinction is an important one, and clearly makes simply swapping abortions for adoptions impossible.

For reference, less than 10% of women with unwanted pregnancies place their child up for adoption. So, there’s clearly a significant gap which could be closed. Under the right circumstances, for all parties involved.

With innovative legislation that provides both bodily and mental health support to prenatal women, some percentage of mothers, specifically those who opt for the currently controversial later stage abortions, might bring the fetus to term.

There are many challenges related to female reproductive health, unborn fetus rights, and regional government policy, which all factor into this intricate, overlapping web. But getting a rational conversation started in a least a step in the right direction.

Ideally, there’s a solution which provides a win for the mother, the baby, the adoptive contingent, and society as a whole. But life is infinitely complex, and each scenario different. Still, it seems like there’s an approach where some of these accidental, disenfranchised pregnant ladies can be paired with able, wanting family constructs. Provided the emotional baggage and financial compensation can be handled with tact, for all parties involved. [REF & REF]

Actual:

Adoption, like immigration, is intimately tied to the fabric of evolutionary progress in America.

Adoption used to the be norm, from an accidental birth, to estranged parents, to supportive family members, to pooling of local resources. While the process has changed significantly from a runaway adolescent wandering into a random home at the next town down the road, or a rural nurse taking on a newborn baby after the birth mother died due to labor complications, the same trust and commitment is required by both parties in the adoption relationship even today.

Here a few famous people throughout history, from different walks for life, who were benefactors of adoption.

When her mother was declared mentally ill with schizophrenia in 1934, this 7-year-old girl was forced into the foster care system. Bouncing around between a dozen different facilities, orphanages, and in-law’s residences during the rest of her childhood, this teenager married at age 16 to escape her revolving door lodging situation. 3 weddings later, including stints with a famous baseball player, and a well-known playwright, Marylin Monroe became one of the most famous pop culture icons in history, before unfortunately passing away prematurely at just 36 years of age.

A happy rural Arkansas family welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world in 1946. 3 months later, the father, a traveling salesman, died in a car accident. The distraught mother immediately departed for nursing school, leaving the newborn with her own parents, who raised him through the toddler phase. It wasn’t until 4 years old that his grandparents were freed, when the birth mom returned and remarried, adopting the now infamous Clinton surname. Appropriately, 5 decades later, in 1997, President Bill Clinton signed into law the Adoption and Safe Families Act, meant to expedite transfer of children out of foster care to capable permanent homes.

In 1955, a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison had a child out of wedlock. The reason she wasn’t married to her classmate boyfriend is because her parents did not approve of this man’s Muslim heritage. This baby boy was adopted by an affluent family in Palo Alto, CA. Taking on his new family’s last name, and embracing the region where he fortuitously got to grow up, Steve Jobs went on to co-found Apple, and become a prolifically influential technology leader in Silicon Valley.

Born as the 3rd of 4, closely spaced, children in Columbus, OH in March of 1997, this little girl’s life started out very difficult, due to an absent father, and a mother who suffered from drug addiction. In and out of foster care for the initial few years, at age 3, the grandparents fortunately intervened. They took both her and her sister in as legal guardians, instilling their Belize citizenship, Christian faith, and diligent work ethic. Despite this complicated upbringing, Simone Biles is now the most decorated American gymnast ever, based on the numerous Olympic and World Championship medals she’s earned.

Many of these success stories have similar characteristics: supportive structure, passionate protection, and loving leadership. There’s no shortage of adoptee victories in the past, hopefully with countless more beneficial outcomes pending in the future. [REF & REF]

Answers:

There’s no doubt that adoption and foster care in the United States is a complex problem. Changes to the system will cost money. Any activity which involves the wellbeing of young children will be highly scrutinized. Procreation has become politicized to the point of being irrational. Yet, there’s still hope.

Despite the infinite wisdom of our forefathers, they didn’t get everything right. Since the original Bill of Rights was ratified in 1791, the U.S. Constitution has been amended in many ways, to account for social changes, and provide protection to marginalized groups who were not originally considered.

Emancipation of slaves in 1865, following the brutal Civil War, with the 13th Amendment. Women’s suffrage, granted by the 20th Amendment, over a century ago, in 1920. The 26th Amendment, passed in 1971, which reduced the legal voting age from 21 to 18. Ah, the beauty of the American legislative process at work.

To date, we still haven’t found a way to incorporate the preferences of adolescents into our political system. Ironically, this youngest cohort are those who will be most influenced by the policies being put in place today. Just look at the future insolvency of the Social Security pension system, or the unsustainable college tuition prices spurred on by Federal loan subsidies, as examples of adult representatives misguided long-term planning prowess.

Currently, the drinking age stands at 21, voting status, along with draft eligibility, starts at 18, and legal vehicle operation at 16ish, depending on state of residence. Maybe it’s time to consider, and potentially even empower, the younger cohort to make their own choices. Or at least put policies in place which will give them the best chance of success down the road.

Granted, voting via paint streaks or pieces of cereal won’t work too well. But it’s hard for an oppressed group to align without a voice, even one personified by unintelligible yelling. Actually, that communication style doesn’t sound too far off from our current congressional contingent.

Throughout the litany of adoption commentary online, there’s one perspective which is consciously absent. The adoptee. It’s understandable, since most of these brave souls can’t talk, or potentially even see, when their life path is chosen for them. But, the downstream effects, landing somewhere between admiration and abuse, are life altering either way.

Another easy win is coming up with an aligned national policy regarding adoption. Regardless of one’s Federalist government leanings, when babies are crossing state lines, let alone country borders, there needs to be some cohesive policy across the United States regarding financial support aiding adoption moving forward.

One needs only to look at the multitude of kids in the foster care system, large number of families stuck in the adoption queue, number of late-term abortions nationally, and rates of child poverty both locally and globally, to understand there are flaws in the current system.

Our next generation needs all the help they can get in this increasingly challenging societal landscape. These toddlers, regardless of how they are brought into the world, or the path they take to adulthood, represent the future of humanity. It’s time to adopt a new approach. [REF & REF]

Ancillary:

Detailed discussion on the trade-offs between American domestic vs. international adoption. [REF]
Long form article discussing the various societal factors which have shaped adoption trends in United States over time. [REF]
Savvy suggestions for how to cover the myriad expenses associated with adoption. [REF]
Long list of relevant adoption grants and loans available online based on qualification criteria. [REF]
Extensive historical analysis of the Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA), passed in 1994, which was meant to limit the obvious racial inequities of the U.S. child welfare system, including challenges with foster care diversity. [REF]
While Juno is a comedy movie, with clearly dramatized scenes, it does hit on many of the complex emotional issues associated with an open infant adoption agreement. [REF]